Lessons in micro-management!!!

You know you are micro-managed...
If you have...
To inform...
At least four people...
In the organization....
Before you do anything at all!!!
And I mean..
ANYTHING!!!!

And just to be on the safe side.....
Also..
Put it all in writing...
By filling in a form...
And sending it to two other people!!!!

Even if it is a mundane every day matter!!!!

Well...since you must wonder...
In the vast majority of companies...
Going to the loo..
Has not yet figured on this list!!!!
But those among them....
With enthusiastic rule makers...
Often consider the idea...briefly!!!!
And then...
Thankfully!!!
Abandon it!!!
Because of the expense involved!!!!
Nothing else!!!

I am not kidding!!!..
Really!!!
I too could not believe my ears...

But I am now told...
By those in the know...
That there are companies....
In Chennai...
Which do not mind this expense....
Where employees have to use a swipe card...
Before they can enter the facilities...
Ostensibly to ensure that the facilities are indeed free for use...
But actually...
To provide vital information...
On usage statistics!!!
That are used to calculate employee productivity!!!!

You know you are really micro-managed...
When the rules maintain that...
You must make...
Multiple copies of ALL letters...
That leave your computer....
Which you must then faithfully cc to everyone....
At every level of the hierarchy...

Hard copies of these missives are then neatly filed away...
In files...
Which after a while...
Are relegated to the lofts
In the dining hall...
And the basement....
(Those treasured haunts of rats and roaches!!!!)
And can never be found!!!!
When required!!

But then...
Copies of these same letters are backed-up...
In some remote recess....
Of the office!!!
And stored on a CD...
One copy of which is sent to the Head Office..
And one kept at the local office!!!
Just to be on the safe side!!!

So these can be found when you need them..
Right???

No..
Wrong!!!!
The CDs can never be traced!!!
When needed!!!!
Especially if the need is urgent!!!!

You are micro-managed without a doubt...
If you have to:
File daily, weekly and monthly reports...
Which are scrutinized!!!!
And fortunately filed...
Using the same afore-mentioned filing and storing system!!!

No!!!....
They haven't discovered hourly reporting yet!!!
But that too is possible...
Believe me!!!

You are surely micro-managed...
If after all this..
You have to listen..
Listen to tattle...perforce!!!
About how ineffective the system is...
That many matters are still slithering out...
Through the cracks and crevices in the system!!!!
How we must somehow...
Put all heads together.....
And make it more fool-proof!!!
More employee-ingenuity safe!!!
Sigh!!!

You know you are micro-managed a tad too much..
When you feel you are...
Tied hand and foot..
By the silken threads...
Of red tape....

Made worse by...
Institutional insecurity..
And...
An inability to judge...
Or trust employees!!!!

You know you are micro-managed...
When ..
At the end of the day....
You still.. somehow... feel guilty!!!!

You know you are micro-managed till it is eating your very innards...
When you think...
You have to post this on you blog!!!!

Rats!!!!!
I must be really far gone to do this!!!!

Ciao anyway!!!!

Up goes the meter!!!!

In India...
We have two indices...
To judge inflation....
The consumer price index...
And
The wholesale price index....

Usually they move in tandem...
But recently..
They have been gyrating in opposite directions....
Causing a lot of confusion!!!!

How can inflation be low???
When we are paying Rs 100 for a kg of tuvar dal???
Are these numbers false????
Or have the indices turned thick-skinned all of a sudden???!!!!

Perhaps it is time to discard...
Both indices..
For that most sensitive index of inflation in the country!!!
The Chennai Auto rickshaw Drivers Meter Index....
Or CADMI for short!!!

It is the first to go up!!!
Even before the first whiff...
Of a hike in diesel prices...
Fills the air!!!
And it never comes down!!!
No matter what!!!

A true indicator...
Of the times we live in now!!!!

Come to think of it...
If Chennai were a Goddess...
Her vahana would be...
No prizes for guessing...
Yes!!!!
It would be....
The ubiquitous auto rickshaw!!!!

These Lords of the Road...
Certainly hold...
Chennai vaasis to ransom!!!
And as for tales about them....
Their numbers are legion!!!!

Coming back to our index....
CADMI is sensitive..
And not to inflation alone!!!
It is a multi-faceted index...
So it registers every move that impacts the common man's life!!!!
And..
Like the Dow, the Nasdaq , the FTSE, the Bombay Sensex or any other major stock market index...
It reacts swiftly to economic and political events!!!!

For example...
CADMI reacts strongly to news of disaster....
A bundh called for by the ruling party???
Procession by a political party coming down Anna Salai????
Heavy rains in the evening???
You can be sure you will be charged three times..
The usual fare....
Or more!!!!..
Just to get home!!!

But unlike other markets..
Where the bulls and the bears...
Take their turn...
CADMI is dominated by the bulls alone!!!

They roar and romp...
And sometimes close down operations!!!!
Especially...
When attempts...
Albeit feeble...
Are made by the powers-that-be to reign them in...

Charge by the meter???
Preposterous!!!
Not to mention....
Unthinkable!!!!

Often...
Like many major stock markets....
CADMI is buffeted by speculative forces!!!
Of the Let's see if we can pull this off variety!!!!

So..
Regulars will sometimes turn to you and say:
Pay ten rupees more Amma...
Madrasgirl (MG): Why???
Auto Driver (AD): No...I thought you can give extra!!!
MG: But I won't!!!
AD: OK..OK...
But.....
I do not have change today ...
You can adjust the ten rupees change that I now owe you another time!!!

End of argument!!!!
And I didn't really win that round now..
Did I???

Given that the winds of recession are still blowing the world over...
Madrasgirl is surprised...
That some intrepid trader...
Maybe the same one who devised...
Those sub prime mortgages!!!!...
Has not started trading in CADMI futures!!!

Especially because...
There are no downsides to this market...
CADMI can...
And does..
Move only one way:
UP!!!!!
How much further up..
Is all that has to be deciphered!!!
By investors!!

A lot of money...
Just waiting to be made there!!!
So...
Let the trading begin!!!!!

Let's pitch in...
Shall we????

Of P James, magic and other mysteries......

Denizens of Chennai...
Are familiar with his name!!!
P James is a magician...
And a prolific advertiser..
On the city's walls!!!

His name and telephone numbers...
Jostle for space...
And cheekily...
Try to edge out...
Ads eliciting support for Amma...
Or the Rising Son..
Or sundry others!!!

He has been the inspiration!!!!
For a Madras-related book!!!!!
Looking for P.James...
Has just been released...

It takes off...
From the man...
Behind the magic!!!
Behind the mystery ads!!!!
His story..
Has now been told!!

But fret not!!!!!
The city is still full of tricks!!!
And offers.....
Mysteries aplenty......
Just waiting to be unraveled!!!!

One such mystery...
For which an answer..
There may not be is....
Why does Chennai Corporation...
Always wait until September...
And the first clouds of the Northeast monsoon
To swing into sight......
Before it begins to patch up its roads...
Lay its underground cables???
Drainage lines???
Pipes...
Or whatever???

On my way to Sweatshop...
I find that...
Taylor's Road...
Halls Road in Egmore...
And Montieth Road...
Now...
Suddenly!!!...
Sport deep gashes......
Right in their middle!!!

For most of my life...
I have used only two routes...
To get to the heart of the city...
And now rivers run through them!!!

Rivers of slush that is....
Which is what these roads become...
At the slightest hint of rain....
Causing traffic pile-ups...
Encouraging irate auto drivers..
To bump and bounce over them all the way...

It makes that spot under my skull..
Just above my spine..
Ache so!!!
Cruel!!!

But hey!!!
Who cares???

Not the Corporation...
Surely!!!
They have heard it all before...
And there is no pleasing everyone..
Is there???

And then....
There is that other great mystery...
Also advertising related!!!!
Now at my very door-step!!!

We woke up last morning..
To find two...
No parking in front of this gate signs...
Firmly welded...
One of each side...
Of our front gate....

The welding done...
Overnight...
Without even waking us up!!!!
In mafia-like silence!!!!

Thoughtful???
No...
Not really!!!

For...
Also included...
In these signboards...
Are advertisements.....
One for Kumbhat Holograms...
And the other for Apollo Packers and Movers!!!!!
Some sort of strange quid pro quo at work here...
Methinks!!!!

Without so much as a ..
Can I??
Or a....
May I????
From these guys!!!

Maybe I should be thankful that the ads are not for...
Dr Asana Andiappan Yoga..
Showing a middle-aged man..
In red underwear...
Smirking!!!
His left leg coiled around his neck!!!
Grotesque!!!!
THAT hangs on my neighbor's gate!!!!

But who are these freeloaders anyway???!!!
Do I want to endorse them at all???
And endorse them free of charge at that????
They did not care to stop and ask!!!

So..
I ask you!!!
Where did politeness go????
Did it disappear altogether....
At that point..
When Madras became Chennai???!!!

Maybe we should delve into such matters....
As part of Madras Day celebrations...
Next year!!!

But wait!!
Maybe this is raw material...
For a book!!!!
Of the Looking for P James variety!!!!
And maybe it will yield a good story...

Should Madrasgirl set off....
On a quest????!!!!
In search of the truth????
Tear down that veil...
Of silence...
Or
Omerta if you will!!!
Behind all such strange goings-on in the city??!!

What think you???

One already!!!

Just doesn't seem like a year...
Since I set out...
Writing about..
This Journey of Life....
Yet it is!!
Amazing!!!!

I have enjoyed putting my thoughts down...
The fun ones..
The sad ones..
And those attempts at seriousness...
In which I always seem to fall flat on my face!!

Funny...
People always take me for...
The Serious One!!
Looks like that just ain't my calling....

I have to thank my faithful audience..
Who now number three and a half...

The first...
My best friend....
From my college days....
Who now spends her time ruminating in the woods...
Near her home in Zurich!!!

Then there is Champagne...
Bubbly....and chirpy....

And hmmmm.....
My niece..
Who dips in..
Whenever she can tear herself away from her research!!!
That's three!!!

Half...
Lives in Berkeley..
And visits me infrequently....

Thank you...Thank you...Thank you
All ye....
Your comments encourage me....
And keep me going....
As...
I write only for thee....

Rest in my next....
Or as Quickgun Murugan would put it....
Mind it!!!!!
Until then!!!!!

Style matters

The incident…
In which Abdul Kalam…
Former President of India…
Was frisked…..
At Delhi airport…
By Continental Airlines….
Has died away…

Makes me wish we could return the favor..
And frisk a Bill Clinton…
(Who may not object if the attendant were a Monica Lewinsky type clone!!!!!)
Or a George Bush Jr….

Only THEY never fly Air-India…
Or Jet…
Or even Kingfisher…
Sigh!!!!

Besides…
In the US of A....
Once a President…
Always a President….
Which sets them above the pack….
Forever and ever..
Amen….

Not so in India…
Where the tumbling down…
Is quite steep….
What would we lose by calling them President...
For the rest of their lives??????


It would make friskers like the Continental Airlines bimbo…
(Who may have thought twice…
If he had been more stylish…
Or looked like a nasty, snooty, sonuvvabitch…)
Realize that the friskee she or he is dealing with….
Is Political Royalty…
Even if only of the Indian kind…..
Even if he may have looked like a pushover….

Besides in my mind…
Kalam is President …
For life….
He deserves to be…

For….
If ever…
One wanted an example..
Of a Mahaan….
In terms of honesty….
Sincerity…..
Integrity…..
He would fit the bill!!!!
He is truly..
A role model for all Indians!!

To me..
The incident is a sad reflection…
Of how appearances matter so much…..
Often…
TOO much…
In our world…..

We are judged….
By the brands we espouse…
By the perfume we wear…
By the localities we live in…
By the car we drive in…
By homes which could double for high maintenance museums …
And various other sundry dreadful details!!!!

Those old values….
Honesty….
Courage..
Character…
Loyalty…
Goodness…..
No one looks for them….
Or has the time to delve…

In the end..
All that matters…
Is whether one…
Has a Page three type personality …...
Or makes for good sound bites…

President Kalam….
Cocked a snook…
At all these superficialities …
And their worshippers thereof!!!

He remained untouched…
Lived by his own rules…
In his own sphere of existence…
Secure in his own person…
Never changing…..
Even a hair of his head…
To please the herd…..
Or..
To conform….
To their rules….

In that sense…..
He stood up…
For all those….
The small minority….
Who cannot…
And will never…
Understand the fuss….
That is made ALL the time…
Over appearances!!!!!!

Sad therefore…
That Style…
Won over Substance…
Yet again!!!!
Style continues to matter!!!
Wish it didn't...


Ciao!!!

A victory and what it means...

Random thoughts...
As the gay community in India...
Celebrates a legal victory...

Time was..
When gay meant happy...
And just that!!!
In school we made sentences which went...
At the picnic, we were happy and gay!!!!
Which then meant the same thing!!!

Until a decade or so later...

When..
Winner used to read the headlines to me...
One day.....
The Bangkok Post ran this headline:
Gay monk arrested...

Winner: Amma what is a gay monk???
Me: Just a Thai holy man...
Winner: But Amma what does gay mean??
Me: I have no idea...I think it means happy..now go out and play...

Very soon thereafter....
Project Reading Headlines....
Was abandoned!!

Of course...
Even today...
Not everyone is aware of the shift in meaning...
Gay Travels still exists!!!!
On Nungambakkam High Road...
Quaint!!!

In theory...
Sexual orientation should not matter...
But when it concerns....
One's kith or kin...
Often parents...
Family...
Have a hard time...
Coming to terms with it....

The movement has certainly come a long way...
With its right to personal choice slogan....

However...
Contrary to popular opinion at Sweatshop....
These choices were always available...
And people made them...
Regardless of the consequences!!!

One of the most delightful persons I have known...
Was Surrogate Mother's classmate in college....

In the late 1930s....
The boys in her class nicknamed her .....
Bachelor...
As if that were a title...
And sniggered...

A brilliant lawyer...
Blessed with a wonderful sense of humour..
She was in her 40s!!
When she married!!
A man!!!!
And was a happily married woman...
Till she passed on...

After a point...
The person...
And your relationship with that person...
Are all that matter....
And often...
It transcends such preferences....

However....
The shifts in meaning...
Caused.....
As a result of the movement...
Have certainly made me self conscious...

No longer do I sign off...
With gay (I mean happy here! Or rather...carefree!!!) abandon...
Letters to women I know...
With
Love, Madrasgirl...

Love???
Will I be misunderstood???

Often...
I settle for the more lukewarm..
But less misunderstandable...
Regards...
And sometimes ...
Warm regards...

Love...
Mine at least...
Is reserved for a select few!!!!

Cheerio then!!!

And thus is empathy born....

Words take on new meaning...
In illness...

Words like..
Headache...
Nausia...
Weakness....
Become real...
Take new form..
And acquire..
An added depth...
Of feeling...

How can the rest of the world walk about???
Or listen to the beat of that music...
Tolerate..
Those thumping noises from afar..
That mimic the throbbing in my head...
And heighten the pain???

Now I understand...
What Surrogate Mother means...
When she says....
I feel so drained...
I now feel that feeling....
I feel empathy....

If a touch of food poisoning can bring this about...
Imagine what those others who are seriously ill must feel...
No!!!...
Don't even want to let my mind go there!!!

Good Health...
It really is worth sweating for....
And a touch of the runs..
Or a fever....
Only helps increase its value in our eyes...

The shadow of wretchedness...
Falls on me...and..
Fills me with empathy..
For the sick.....

Bon Sante!!!!
To us all!!!