Difficult to let go.......

Living in an enclave...
Of elderly relatives....
Makes one aware..
More than ever of the fragility of life...
And its impermanence...

We often move from one crisis..
To the next...
As the old have their problems...

One surfaces..
As the next struggles under...

Wise friend counsels me to..
Learn to let go...
If you really love them...
You will let them go...

Easier said than done...

Having reached and crossed the mid-century mark...
I look around and find that almost half the familiar faces...
Of those friends of family and relatives...distant and near...
That have peopled my life up until now..
Are no longer there...

I have been fortunate...
To have had them with me until now...
But that only makes it more difficult...
Especially because
My life has revolved around them these past few years...

Perhaps it is also because..
I am more bound to their generation...
Feel closer and more comfortable with them..
Than with the younger ones...
I feel...
More cherished by them....

It is natural therefore...
That I value them...

They are old friends...
Among the best that I have had...
So I like to be selfish..
And hope that they will stay on..

As..
I'd hate to say
Goodbye....

Those lazy Sundays....

I miss those lazy Sundays...
Of my childhood and youth...
In my Grandfather's house..
And later my Father's....
Before Spouse et al came into my life!!

Rising late..
Reading the Sunday papers...
Eating a hearty breakfast....
Lounging unwashed around the house till evening....
Reading a book....
Were pleasures I never appreciated enough back then..

Now Sundays are punctuated...
By visitors dropping in...
Mundane chores to be done...
Some place that has to be gone to...
Something that has to get done...
Routine creeps into the weekend too!!
Sigh!!!

Is Spouse the unwitting villain then??
Or is it the matrimonial state...
That is the Sunday-spoiler of all time!!!

To be etched in my memory.......

Yesterday.....
After dinner..
I walked in to my parents' home..
For a late night chat!!
And found Father beaming!!!

He had spent all morning...
Looking over an old file of letters...
That he had found...
And told me about it..

I could not resist...
I looked too and found...
Among others...
Old letters written by Birth mother...
In January 1958....

All about me...
Being spoilt silly by grandparents...
Being mean to Ponni...
The girl from Cook's village...
Who was then my playmate...

Yes!!!
We employed child labour..
Back then.. :(
Birth mother takes Ponni's side...

Seems like I was a little wild thing!!!
Seems like I was rather unpredictable too...

Birth mother apologizes for her handwriting...
Unable to find her pen...
She says she had to use a wooden pen with a nib that had to be dipped into an inkstand!!!!

Little nuggets of memory come back...
I used to call my father Bubba...
I had forgotten that!!
And Surrogate Mother...
Was Cho-cha aunty!!!

Good to see Grandfather's loping hand...once again..

I see Birth mother in a new light...
She seems to have worried a great deal about me...
And I always thought she was the carefree uncaring one back then!!!

She asks Father to do an archanai
To Thyagarajar at Tiruvarur!!
In my name!!!

I sense two young people.....
Fretting and fussing over their first child...
Taking their first steps as parents....
A little unsure of themselves!!!

I realize that ...
I share a different bond with them...
I go further back than my siblings...
I am filled with warmth..
And affection....

I read out bits of old letters...
Written to Father...
By people now long dead!!!!
And then come home...

The day ended well!!!
Shared memories made it
An evening to be remembered...

May there be such days in your life too!!!
Adios!!!

The return of the NRIs

They descend on us...
When the weather turns cool in these parts....
In December and January...
Colourful...
Like what I imagine Birds of Paradise would be..
Full of chatter...

In our family..
We call them the NRIs..
Or non-resident Indians...
We have two groups of them....
Living on opposite sides of the globe...
In North America...
And Down Under...

In our home...
Spouse and I
Prepare for Winner's arrival...

Corners and crannies are dusted...
Windows washed...
Favourite recipes and restaurant visits planned....
Cook is sufficiently warned...
Not to do the disappearing act... as Thambi is coming!!!

Next door..
Birth mother goes through the same pangs...
Waiting for Kid brother No: 2 and his brood to arrive!!

They arrive...
Our time becomes theirs...
As we wait on them...for them.. with them!!!
Share their hopes and dreams and fears!!!!
Visit haunts and retreats ..normally out of our beaten track!!
Enjoy ourselves!!!

Winner...
Quickly gets into the swing of things...
Quickly begins to drive on the left...
Shows sundry two-wheeler riders the finger...
Invites them to "Vaa..Vandhu muttiko.." (Come..Come and dash on me..to the Tamizh challeged!!)
It is difficult to take Chennai out of him!!!

Not so...
The kids from Kiwi land...
We are...
A short stopover..
between Bali and Singapore..
On their way back to what they call home!!

Chennai is too crowded..
Too dirty...
They hate this Indian milk with the cream floating on top!!!
The mosquitoes...
The sweat....
And so on and on and on...

They do like Landmark...
The food at MCC..Dynasty...et al...
And our company...I hope!!!

They are away in a flash...
Hugs and handshakes..
Given and taken!!!

I wonder at them..
Until I see this quotation on Favourite nephew No:1's Facebook page:
“If you came back, you wanted to leave again; if you went away, you longed to come back. Wherever you were, you could hear the call of the homeland, like the note of the herdsman's horn far away in the hills. You had one home out there and one over here, and yet you were an alien in both places. Your true abiding place was the vision of something very far off, and your soul was like the waves, always restless, forever in motion.”

The homes here are rather empty..
We wait for their next coming..

While I exult in the knowledge...
That I am where I belong...
I am home...

As a New Year dawns....

I wonder whether..
Life gets better as Time moves on...
Or do we just get better at dealing with what it brings??

What irked us ...
Annoyed us...
Embarrassed us..
In our youth...
Now seem inconsequential....

Do we sharpen our skills...at dealing with Life...
Improve at living as we age??
Or is it that we are...
More prepared to be thrown off-course...
More ready to dust ourselves up..
And move on???

Are we different now..
Do we dance to a different tune???
And is that because..
Many of those who went"tut tut"..
And held us to a certain behavior...
Are now no longer around??

Are we more free???
Why then do I feel more enslaved???

Is Madrasgirl going to turn philosopher in 2011???
Let's just watch this space...
Shall we??

Adios!!!!

Lessons from Sun direct........

This week...
A few random pearls of wisdom.......
Gleaned from Tamil soaps...
Broadcast on Sun TV..
On just one long and lonely evening!!!

Based on what I saw....
I drew the following broad conclusions:
In each hamlet aka district in Tamizhnadu...
A thalaivar.....
Of pristine moral dimensions...
Pronounces judgment on all matters...
Usually of a domestic and intensely personal kind...

This said thalaivar...
Of pristine moral character....
Often has two wives....
And the two wives live in harmony...albeit in different houses...
But are on the best of terms..
And call each other...
Akka and thangachi...

Of course..
No one tosses said thalaivar in the slammer for bigamy!!!
Least of all the police...
And it is not because the DSP is his nephew!!
Just that thalaivars are allowed more lee way in such matters..
Being more red in the blood than thou and thine!!!

Lesson No: 2....
You can be the first woman Sub-collector of a district..
But you cannot disobey the edict of the naattamai!!!
Even if this does seem like some strange kind of katta panchayat!!!
Or parallel governance!!


Lesson No:3...
You may be a stormy petrel of revolutionary thought...
But if the holy thread given to you by your husband falls off...
Then evil forces will ensure that you die in childbirth!!!
Unless someone finds it just in time...
And they usually do!


Lesson No: 4...
You should not demand a dowry...
But if the girl's family gives their word...
That they will gift 50 sovereigns of gold to their daughter...
Then you can insist that they keep their word...
Or the bridegroom will not tie the knot!!!!

And the police cannot arrest you..
Because you are not insisting on a dowry..
Just that the loons on the other side...
Keep their promise!!!

I learnt so much ...
In an evening..
With merely half an eye on the tube!!!!

Such genius!!!
I would like to meet these script writers and shake their hand!!!
I must also put in a word for the orchestra...
Which does the continuous wailing routine!!!!
In makes us aware that life can be tough!!!...

That this kind of stuff...
Is piped into a zillion homes...
And no one has lost their mind yet!!!
That is the miracle that TV has wrought!!!!

Cheerio!!!

Can religion be a 'fun' experience???

Looks like it can be just that!!!

I plucked the video below..
From the page of a young relative...
On Facebook!!!



The singers and those sung to...
Are having the time of their lives...as you would see if you viewed it!
Singing Krishna Govinda....

The lead singer has a magnetism...
That is sensual....
Very Krishna-like in a way!!!!

Perhaps...
This is how Krishna danced with his gopikas!!!!
Perhaps That Avatar is meant to show us...
That one can and should have fun!!!!
If we do not hurt others in the bargain!!!

What irks me is...
That is takes a Western crowd...
To show us.....
That religion has several aspects...
And
They have discovered the more 'fun' aspect!!!!

If we chose a more somber mode...
It is a choice we make...
And in our version of things...
Only obese elderly women...
With chakrams tattooed on their upper arm!!!!!
Are allowed to go off into a trance...
And dance!!!!

As some wise guy said...
We make Our Gods in our own image....
So..
Had we been 'fun' people...
We would have quickly discovered the 'fun' part!!!...

End of story!!!..
Adios!!!