Up goes the meter!!!!

In India...
We have two indices...
To judge inflation....
The consumer price index...
And
The wholesale price index....

Usually they move in tandem...
But recently..
They have been gyrating in opposite directions....
Causing a lot of confusion!!!!

How can inflation be low???
When we are paying Rs 100 for a kg of tuvar dal???
Are these numbers false????
Or have the indices turned thick-skinned all of a sudden???!!!!

Perhaps it is time to discard...
Both indices..
For that most sensitive index of inflation in the country!!!
The Chennai Auto rickshaw Drivers Meter Index....
Or CADMI for short!!!

It is the first to go up!!!
Even before the first whiff...
Of a hike in diesel prices...
Fills the air!!!
And it never comes down!!!
No matter what!!!

A true indicator...
Of the times we live in now!!!!

Come to think of it...
If Chennai were a Goddess...
Her vahana would be...
No prizes for guessing...
Yes!!!!
It would be....
The ubiquitous auto rickshaw!!!!

These Lords of the Road...
Certainly hold...
Chennai vaasis to ransom!!!
And as for tales about them....
Their numbers are legion!!!!

Coming back to our index....
CADMI is sensitive..
And not to inflation alone!!!
It is a multi-faceted index...
So it registers every move that impacts the common man's life!!!!
And..
Like the Dow, the Nasdaq , the FTSE, the Bombay Sensex or any other major stock market index...
It reacts swiftly to economic and political events!!!!

For example...
CADMI reacts strongly to news of disaster....
A bundh called for by the ruling party???
Procession by a political party coming down Anna Salai????
Heavy rains in the evening???
You can be sure you will be charged three times..
The usual fare....
Or more!!!!..
Just to get home!!!

But unlike other markets..
Where the bulls and the bears...
Take their turn...
CADMI is dominated by the bulls alone!!!

They roar and romp...
And sometimes close down operations!!!!
Especially...
When attempts...
Albeit feeble...
Are made by the powers-that-be to reign them in...

Charge by the meter???
Preposterous!!!
Not to mention....
Unthinkable!!!!

Often...
Like many major stock markets....
CADMI is buffeted by speculative forces!!!
Of the Let's see if we can pull this off variety!!!!

So..
Regulars will sometimes turn to you and say:
Pay ten rupees more Amma...
Madrasgirl (MG): Why???
Auto Driver (AD): No...I thought you can give extra!!!
MG: But I won't!!!
AD: OK..OK...
But.....
I do not have change today ...
You can adjust the ten rupees change that I now owe you another time!!!

End of argument!!!!
And I didn't really win that round now..
Did I???

Given that the winds of recession are still blowing the world over...
Madrasgirl is surprised...
That some intrepid trader...
Maybe the same one who devised...
Those sub prime mortgages!!!!...
Has not started trading in CADMI futures!!!

Especially because...
There are no downsides to this market...
CADMI can...
And does..
Move only one way:
UP!!!!!
How much further up..
Is all that has to be deciphered!!!
By investors!!

A lot of money...
Just waiting to be made there!!!
So...
Let the trading begin!!!!!

Let's pitch in...
Shall we????

Of P James, magic and other mysteries......

Denizens of Chennai...
Are familiar with his name!!!
P James is a magician...
And a prolific advertiser..
On the city's walls!!!

His name and telephone numbers...
Jostle for space...
And cheekily...
Try to edge out...
Ads eliciting support for Amma...
Or the Rising Son..
Or sundry others!!!

He has been the inspiration!!!!
For a Madras-related book!!!!!
Looking for P.James...
Has just been released...

It takes off...
From the man...
Behind the magic!!!
Behind the mystery ads!!!!
His story..
Has now been told!!

But fret not!!!!!
The city is still full of tricks!!!
And offers.....
Mysteries aplenty......
Just waiting to be unraveled!!!!

One such mystery...
For which an answer..
There may not be is....
Why does Chennai Corporation...
Always wait until September...
And the first clouds of the Northeast monsoon
To swing into sight......
Before it begins to patch up its roads...
Lay its underground cables???
Drainage lines???
Pipes...
Or whatever???

On my way to Sweatshop...
I find that...
Taylor's Road...
Halls Road in Egmore...
And Montieth Road...
Now...
Suddenly!!!...
Sport deep gashes......
Right in their middle!!!

For most of my life...
I have used only two routes...
To get to the heart of the city...
And now rivers run through them!!!

Rivers of slush that is....
Which is what these roads become...
At the slightest hint of rain....
Causing traffic pile-ups...
Encouraging irate auto drivers..
To bump and bounce over them all the way...

It makes that spot under my skull..
Just above my spine..
Ache so!!!
Cruel!!!

But hey!!!
Who cares???

Not the Corporation...
Surely!!!
They have heard it all before...
And there is no pleasing everyone..
Is there???

And then....
There is that other great mystery...
Also advertising related!!!!
Now at my very door-step!!!

We woke up last morning..
To find two...
No parking in front of this gate signs...
Firmly welded...
One of each side...
Of our front gate....

The welding done...
Overnight...
Without even waking us up!!!!
In mafia-like silence!!!!

Thoughtful???
No...
Not really!!!

For...
Also included...
In these signboards...
Are advertisements.....
One for Kumbhat Holograms...
And the other for Apollo Packers and Movers!!!!!
Some sort of strange quid pro quo at work here...
Methinks!!!!

Without so much as a ..
Can I??
Or a....
May I????
From these guys!!!

Maybe I should be thankful that the ads are not for...
Dr Asana Andiappan Yoga..
Showing a middle-aged man..
In red underwear...
Smirking!!!
His left leg coiled around his neck!!!
Grotesque!!!!
THAT hangs on my neighbor's gate!!!!

But who are these freeloaders anyway???!!!
Do I want to endorse them at all???
And endorse them free of charge at that????
They did not care to stop and ask!!!

So..
I ask you!!!
Where did politeness go????
Did it disappear altogether....
At that point..
When Madras became Chennai???!!!

Maybe we should delve into such matters....
As part of Madras Day celebrations...
Next year!!!

But wait!!
Maybe this is raw material...
For a book!!!!
Of the Looking for P James variety!!!!
And maybe it will yield a good story...

Should Madrasgirl set off....
On a quest????!!!!
In search of the truth????
Tear down that veil...
Of silence...
Or
Omerta if you will!!!
Behind all such strange goings-on in the city??!!

What think you???